Brush away
The “quick brush away.” It’s a simple move. Can be performed with either hand and happens so quickly the untrained eye wouldn’t notice it. It can be mistaken for an itch on the face, a speck in the eye or a flip of one’s hair out of the line of vision. But it’s always more than that. It’s always a moment of impact; an instance of insight combined with heart-filled emotion. And it happens to me almost every Sunday.
Upon entering my church, Kairos, you may not notice much of anything too significantly different. It’s a beautiful building, with friendly folks greeting you at the door, and a set of old wooden pews that were recently traded for a line of chairs to increase seating space. The service starts with announcements and some beautiful music, and the pastor begins to preach. It all appears rather common, and in some ways it is. But in ways most noticed by those who have a knack for viewing the unseen, it resembles more of an iceberg than a mountain. There is much beneath the surface… and that makes all the difference.
One thing I love about Kairos is the foundation on which it was built. The spiritual foundation of “daily encouraging one another to walk in the way of Jesus” leaves much to be learned and many options of doing so. One of the rarest ways I’ve seen this played out is in the freedom to be authentic and vulnerable. Kairos is a place where people can simply BE, and trust that God will show up and lead them into whatever next step HE has for them. As I describe it to friends, it is one of the healthiest churches I’ve ever known. By healthy, I mean it’s honest, deep and true in teaching, belief and relationship. It’s more about knowing Jesus as He is, rather than how we think He should be. And it’s counter-cultural in many ways (which sounds very familiar when I look at Jesus’ teachings).
One of my favorite quotes reminds me, “Jesus didn’t come to establish a sub-culture, He came to heal the world.” I see this value embodied in the Kairos community. Although there are cultural “norms” at Kairos (did I miss the Ralph Lauren dress code memo? :)) individuals aren’t disavowed if they don’t adhere to the norms. There are many individuals in the congregation who are leaders in their spheres of influence, but people are just people at Kairos- and they are celebrated for their uniqueness and, do I dare say, even their brokenness. It isn’t a special club of exclusion, it’s a home for people to sort out their lives and faith in transparency and honesty and find something real. And it’s the most beautiful kind of reality.
This past Sunday at church, our pastor was talking about disappointment. He shared powerful testimonies that every person could relate to about the many disappointments we all face when God doesn’t show up the way we expect Him to, or in the time frame we think He should. Yet the beautiful thing is, just as Easter reminds us that it’s not necessarily over when we think, God is always working “behind the scenes” to weave our disappointment into His greatest purpose. Just like we are encouraged to just be and let God take the reigns, Thomas was subtly reminding us to just let God be who He is, and trust that He is good and His plans are perfect, even when we don’t understand.
It all sounds pretty standard, right? And in some ways it was. But the message of Jesus was pretty straightforward, yet when it truly touched the hearts of those who heard it, it was revolutionary… and it changed everything. And that is what happened last Sunday. As I looked around, I saw people being genuinely touched by the Spirit of God, and the message was traveling deep. It impacted me tremendously as well and my heart was simply too full to take it all as my eyes welled up with tears. And that’s where the “quick brush away” entered.
It happens every Sunday and I just love it. I used to feel silly. I used to think “why don’t you just let it out and cry or stop it before it gets to the point of the slightly awkward “quick brush away?” But truth is, I love it because it’s just simply where I’m at right now. I’m moved, but don’t exactly know how much is too much to show. I’m touched, but still desire to keep some bit of composure for whatever reason my self-protective nature has developed within me.
It happens every Sunday and I just love it. I used to feel silly. I used to think “why don’t you just let it out and cry or stop it before it gets to the point of the slightly awkward “quick brush away?” But truth is, I love it because it’s just simply where I’m at right now. I’m moved, but don’t exactly know how much is too much to show. I’m touched, but still desire to keep some bit of composure for whatever reason my self-protective nature has developed within me.
Eventually, as I continue to search out my faith and how to express it, maybe I’ll stop brushing away the tears, but for now, I’m in this place of learning. So I do the “quick brush away”, and I’m reminded that it’s okay to be exactly where I’m at – deeply moved by a God whose love reaches far beyond my flip of the wrist and quick brush of the face… as He is changing my heart forever.
